It is often enviable to see couples loving each other equally. In reality, however, the number of couples who can love each other equally is very little. This situation often bothers us: between us, who is loving the other side more?

As such, we have to make a choice: to love your partner more, prefer to be loved more, or choosing to accept a relationship where both sides love each other equally.

We gathered the opinions of 2RedBeans’ users (we had over 1000 respondents!) and below are the results.

The needs of men and women are different

The three different responses each have their own underlying meaning:

• The people who chose that they “prefer to be loved more” can be characterized as someone who wants to be taken care of, to be approved and wants the other side to give more than they are giving.
• The people who chose to “love their partner more” wants to have this stronger sense of happiness that comes along when they are with someone they love more.
• Lastly, as for people who chose that they can “only accept if both sides love each other equally” firmly believes that love should be equal, and both parties have to be willing to give in to each other.

When asked “In a relationship, do you see yourself as the one who would love your partner more or the one who prefers to be loved more?”, 56.2% of men responded that they can only accept it when both sides choose to love each other equally. As for women, 51.2% of them chose the option of “prefer to be loved more”. Ages don’t matter in this case: in all age groups, the percentages are roughly the same as the overall numbers.

The survey results also showed that for as men age (and assuming that they are progressing in their careers and are looking to start a family), more of them start to prefer to be loved more, and be with someone who would love them more . Perhaps, they are looking for a partner who falls under the category of  ‘caring, sensible and motherly’. For ages 36 to 55, more men choose to accept only if love is equal. Perhaps, at this age, they just want to be with someone who they can comfortably spend their time with.

Only a very small group of women chose to be with a partner who they love more. But the results show that as women age, more of them prefer to be with someone they love more.

Loving someone more is a choice and the preference to be loved more is a want

To the majority of women out there, ‘being loved more’ is a requirement to them in a marriage. Being loved more means that they can expect emotional stability and support from their partners, and also gives them a reassurance that they will be there for them.

For women who preferred to be loved more, 55.2% of them think that being loved more by the other person gives me the reassurance that they will be there for me and will be willing to sacrifice for me when the time comes.

Being together with someone who loves you more means that you have more freedom to ‘be yourself’. It means that when the time comes, it is more likely that the other half will be more tolerant and patient towards them. Perhaps, as women age, stability and safety is really what they are looking out for in their partners.

To love more means more keenness to grow together.

For people who chose to be with someone they love more, we found that most of them believe being with someone I love more gives me a stronger sense of happiness and gives me more hope.

Perhaps, when you are with someone you love more, they have something in them that really attracts you. For example, the other person might be a really driven entrepreneur who will, against all odds, aim to achieve success. For this, it might spur those who love their partner more to improve themselves and become a better person.

To this group of people, they most likely have the mindset that love means the willingness to sacrifice for the other half. We often misunderstand that we have to receive love to feel happiness, but on the other hand, giving is receiving: what you give is what you get.

This is probably the reason why believing that ‘love is about giving. If I love my partner more, they will love me the same when the time comes’ comes in as the second choice.

In truth, everyone yearns for some form of love from others. A couple might not start out strong, but working towards that goal of making each other a better person can possibly bring about more happiness to your lives.

What choice would you make? Leave them in the comments below!

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