两颗红豆
中文 | English
We’d like to thank Nick Fang for translating this article from Chinese to English to spread the science behind love and dating. If you would like to help translating or proofreading our articles, please email [email protected]
“Official announcement” was a trend started by celebrities and influencers that were adopted quickly by the people in the last few years. Announcing one’s partner on social media while showing off has become a common practice nowadays.
Must one make an official announcement once taken? There were always different opinions on this topic. We had interviewed some friends and let’s see what they had to say.
Yes, Official announcement is a must:
“If you love someone, you’ll have the urge to tell the world that he/she belongs to you, it’s a natural instinct!” “Being in a relationship isn’t something illegal, there’s no need to hide, posting on social media is a way to document such glorious memories, and it’s hard to forget on anniversary dates.
“Official announcement is a commitment to your partner——I’m willing to introduce you to everyone around me. That’s a sincere attitude towards the relationship, and it’s a way to give each other a sense of security.
“Official announcement is a way of marking territory, it’s a recognition that the two of us belong to each other, are responsible for each other and to let others know to stay away from someone who’s taken.
“If the relationship is stable, then I would make an announcement。 But I don’t want to be forced to make an announcement by my partner when I’m not sure yet.
No: official announcement is a no-no:
“Relationships end rather quickly once you start showing off, if we broke up afterwards, then it would be too awkward.”
“Nowadays, social media is filled with unrelated people, there’s no need for my relationship status to go public. It’s better to tell my friends and close ones offline.
“There is no need for an official announcement, everyone has different preferences, some like to share everything on social media, and want to be the center of attention. Others don’t like to share at all, too much attention only makes them uncomfortable. “It’s a matter of personal choice to announce or not, we should respect their decision.”
“Celebrities’ official announcements aren’t as simple as you think, they do it for traffic. Everything is calculated to maximize their gains; common people should not jump on such ridiculous trends.
“I get that people who make official announcements are looking for a sense of security, but you can feel if someone loves you or not, there’s no need to prove it with an official announcement. “If he/she is a player, the official announcement won’t help a bit”.
Should an official announcement be made once you’re in a relationship? Clearly there are no right or wrong answers to it. These were the comments we gathered, but we can also dig deeper into the topic.
The fundamentals of official announcements come down to two things: “a recognition of the relationship” and “to make that recognition publicly known”. It’s understandable that when we start a relationship that we want it to be long lasting, which is a “recognition”. However, is posting on social media really going to add an extra layer of security to the relationship? That would be a question to dive deeper into.
Some people need an official announcement in order to feel safe in a relationship. If their partner refuses, they would feel like their chances of getting dumped is very high.
To these people, obsession with official announcements is a sign for lack of security. During a relationship, they tend to overthink and self-criticize a lot, and sometimes tend to be people pleasers. From a psychological perspective, it has to do with our attachment style. If we didn’t establish a secure attachment style with our caregiver during infancy, it’s very likely to develop an insecure attachment style when we grow up, affecting our security in a relationship.
Obviously, these are extreme circumstances, some need an official announcement just because they’re unsure about the relationship. To some degree, “sense of security comes from inside” is a false proposition. All relationships are bilateral, a sense of security should come from both inside and outside. If you desperately need an official announcement for security, then you might need to consider that you’re not receiving enough safety signals from your partner”. Has he/she given you enough support? Has he/she kept their distance with those of opposite gender? Maybe what you need is not an official announcement but to resolve the problem that makes you uncomfortable in a relationship, and to understand whether you two are a good fit for each other.
If someone claims that they don’t want to make an announcement on their relationship, it’s easy to assume that they aren’t serious about the relationship. Of course, we don’t rule out the possibility that they’re a player or not in it for the long term. If that’s the case, then our skill to recognize players is particularly important.
In fact, those who don’t make official announcements aren’t necessarily not serious about the relationship.
We can rephrase official announcements as a ritual to give each other the proper identity recognition or we can understand it as a form of telling others that you are taken. In the past, people announced relationships through hosting a meal, but in the internet era, social media became the norm. Still, some people dislike social media, some like to keep it down, and stay away from attention. To them, the official announcement is just uncomfortable.
Well, official announcement doesn’t guarantee anything, but “relationships end quickly once gone public” is more of a meme. According to a study from the universities of Wisconsin found that couples who post frequently on social media have higher satisfaction about their relationship. Those who announce on Facebook, intimate couple pictures and interact frequently tend to be more secure in real life as well.
If both parties agree to make an official announcement, then it could just be a way of securing the relationship.
So, do we need an official announcement or not? There’s no right or wrong to it. If there is ever a disagreement the best way to resolve it is to communicate and come up with a plan that makes both sides happy.
Do you have any relationship questions? Feel free to contact a 2RedBean consultant for advice.